“The victim always loses, never wins”

Eva Ruiz I Sevilla (EFE) “The victim always loses but never wins.”

This is the case of Luz (not her real name). He is 35 years old, he lives in the province of Seville, and this is his opinion after ten of them he spent in suffering. attacks from your ex partner. He explains to the EFE that “there is no study that can provide insight into the consequences so severe that the victim suffers”, which is also “not easy to demonstrate” and sometimes made even more difficult by procedures and “mistakes”. bureaucrats they have to deal with.

Although the situation came from behind, Luz made a firm decision to break up when she saw that her life and that of her son were in danger. “I tried to find a solution to all this, but in the end I did not find a solution. On the contrary, the situation got worse and worse, and I did not know how to get out of it.

Fear doesn’t go away

He says that when he finally made a move, constant harassment began. “Because of this, I lost my job, my life, and the whole world.” Remember that she continued to strictly follow the protection instructions. “Sometimes I could walk more, others advised me to stay locked up… The danger was always there, it was day after day living with a man behind you who wants to kill you, you and your son.”

“I was dead in life, I was prepared for everything,” she says, before listing the disorders she went through, some of which still persist today, from insomnia to constant fatigue, due to constant forgetfulness, amenorrhea due to stress, eating disorders, stomach. pain, irritable bowel or digestive problems that required two surgeries, in addition to numerous oral ailments.

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The Valladolid Society pays tribute to a young nurse from Valladolid, Teresa Rodríguez Llamazares, allegedly murdered by her former partner on 27 October in Brussels. EFE/NACHO GALLEGO/File

All this adds up to “post-traumatic stress”, one of the main consequences of the abuse, which forces her to continue psychological treatment, because her fear did not disappear with the assailant’s admission to prison a couple of years ago. , after a verdict that she considers “protective” towards her and her son.

Even then, he says, “it’s hard to go out for fear that something else will happen to you.” She clarifies that she cannot fasten her seat belt in the car, because one day, nervously, she could not remove it at the end of the chase for her ex-partner in another car and was afraid that he would take the seat belt. child at this moment.

Or that when he dares to go out, he always looks “back”. “The impact is removed, but the psychological consequences are not,” he argues.

bureaucratic mistakes

After all this time, Luz considers that the administration can do a lot more to help those affected. “They don’t know how to take care of us, they exacerbate the consequences and create others,” he assures, before claiming that “there are many tools in the hands of all officials that will help improve this life.”

She elaborates that in some cases she felt condemned and even saw how they doubted her words “because they did not want to tell all the details of what happened out of shame.”

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The Feminist Network of Gran Canaria calls a demonstration under the slogan “Feminisms stand up against sexist violence, do you?”. EFE/Quique Curbelo/File

Some setbacks and misunderstandings between administrations even made him “consider giving up.” He concluded that “so much effort to lead a normal life does not seem to be worth it because there is always some bureaucratic error, someone who does not understand the situation or does not know the subject that makes your life even more vulnerable. “

He also explains that not all people who have been abused should have the same consequences or react in the same way, even if they go through something similar, and he regrets that sometimes he had to hear expressions such as “it’s not that big problem. “

“Society is not ready to accept what it means to be a victim,” he argues, elaborating on the consequences of abuse.

Turn the page

Believe that laws are positive but not properly enforcedespecially in the case of psychological consequences. “One of the worst things I see about justice is that they wait for something to happen,” he says. “I keep remembering that no steps were taken for me to somatize certain things.”

Despite this, she is grateful to “all those people who helped in any way they could.”
“Thanks to them, I was able to get out, and I trust the good people who helped me and who, I know, will help others like me,” he says.

At this point, Luz wants to turn the page and start over. “I don’t want to live off the administration, I want to get back to work,” he says, before emphasizing that in his case, “the economic abuse continues to this day” because his former partner did not take responsibility for the amount. any time you are required to contribute to the maintenance of your child.

With a social life she considers “completely ruined” also due to the effects of abuse, she does not consider getting a new partner and does not see herself with a man in the future, despite her youth.

“I’m afraid they’ll become obsessed with me again,” he says, recalling the jealousy he experienced. “He didn’t always treat me badly. Who then told me that with another person in the end it will not be the same? I don’t believe it,” he admits. EFE

By Peter Kavinsky

Peter Kavinsky is the Executive Editor at